Through the pandemic, more than any other time in my life, it had been a time to meet fear head on. The pandemic, economic crisis, climate change and social upheaval have all been terrifying. Not since my family's move from Minneapolis to the Northwoods of Minnesota, have I felt as though things could go terribly "wrong" at any moment. Indeed for many, they did.  

At the time of the move, fifteen years ago, the housing crash had just begun. I was reading a book called Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chodron. In it, there is a Buddhist story about a person who runs from a tiger to the edge of a cliff.  After using a heavy vine to climb down to a safer place, it is evident that another tiger waits below. A few feet above, a tiny mouse appears and starts gnawing on the vine. Growing from a clump of dirt, just within reach, is a beautiful strawberry plant with one ripe berry hanging from a stem. In obvious peril, with no way to escape fate, this person picks the berry and eats it, savoring the rich taste for as long as it lasts.

The first time I heard this story, in addition to the message of the importance of living in the moment (the strawberry), I realized how profoundly the tigers exemplified my fears.  At our new home in the woods, there were, in fact, mountain lions.  I walked in the woods warily watching for giant cats. I had terrifying dreams of  lions, tigers and black panthers from which I ran and hid, often inside of a building. 

In April, two years ago, I woke from that familiar dream about giant cats. But this time, as in the Buddhist story, there was no place to hide. The lions and I were in a basement and I had to move past them to get to the door. I tried intimidating the enormous male, but he crouched as if ready to pounce. I finally mustered up the courage to reach out my hand and pet the beast. To my surprise, it accepted my touch and allowed me to pass.  Moments later, after climbing a set of stairs, another pair of lions waited. I was terrified, but again, reached out to pet their heads and they curled up at my feet, content. This had never happened before in my dreams and I am certain that it points to the fact that I must in reality, continue to reach out to my fears and befriend them in order to move beyond them and be comfortable in this life — to walk in the world with light and joy instead of under the shadow of fear.

I returned to this dream of two years ago, because last night I dreamed of being in a class to learn about Wild Cats. The setting was my old high school with familiar faces of fellow students and teachers.  The remarkable takeaway was that there were no lions or tigers in the room — only the opportunity for knowledge and understanding. 

As I continue to explore my real fear of trying new things in both art and life, the understanding that these fears (though real in my body and mind) were created by my thoughts in the first place, gives me the freedom to let them go. To know that I can reach out, touch and walk past whatever is holding me back, opens the path for me to accomplish all of my creative and personal goals.

Take a moment to think about what may be holding you back from doing something you've wanted to do. Drop me a note if you'd like to share your thoughts.